Marriage is not a casual partnership—it is a covenant. It is designed by God to reflect the mystery of Christ and His Church (Ephesians 5:32). A Christian wife, therefore, is called not to imitate the world’s idea of love, but the selfless, sacrificial life of Christ within her marriage.
All this is only possible when Christ is truly formed in you, you are led by the Spirit, dead to self, Adam, and the flesh, but alive in Christ and His life.
Let us now unfold seven biblical principles that teach a wife how to live selflessly with her husband, in the way of Christ.
“Unconditional love begins where human strength ends—at the foot of Christ’s cross.”
1. Love Your Husband Unconditionally #
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
(Ephesians 5:25, AMP)
Though Paul commands this to husbands, the same sacrificial spirit must fill the wife, too. Unconditional love (Greek: agapē – selfless, divine love) is not dependent on feelings, performance, or convenience.
To love unconditionally means:
- Loving him when he fails.
- Loving him when he is weak.
- Loving him because Christ loves you so.
Unconditional Love
| The World’s Love (Conditional) | Christ-like Love (Unconditional) |
|---|---|
| “I love you if you please me.” | “I love you because Christ in me loves.” |
| “I love you because you benefit me.” | “I love because God first loved me (1 John 4:19).” |
| “Love based on mood or reward.” | “Love rooted in the cross of Christ.” |
2. Respect His Headship as Christ’s Design #
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands [as a service] to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church…”
(Ephesians 5:22–23, AMP)
Biblical submission is not slavery—it is spiritual order. Like Christ submitted to the Father (Philippians 2:6–8), the wife honours God’s design by respecting her husband’s headship.
It is trust in God, not blind trust in man.
| Not Biblical Submission | True Biblical Submission |
|---|---|
| Fear of man | Fear (reverence) of Christ |
| Powerlessness | Strength under God’s authority |
| Silent suppression | Wise counsel, but yielded spirit |
When you do this, you protect the oneness of your home and honour the spiritual blueprint of Christ and the Church.
3. Speak Openly and Honestly in Love #
“But speaking the truth in love [in all things—both our speech and our lives expressing His truth]…”
(Ephesians 4:15, AMP)
“A wife’s selfless submission is not weakness—it is divine strength under the Spirit’s control.”
A silent, bottled-up heart breeds distance—a harsh, careless tongue wounds. But the way of the Spirit is truth spoken in love—frank, humble, patient.
Ask yourself before speaking:
- Is this the truth?
- Is this in love?
- Is this building him up or breaking him down?
Christ speaks truth, but He does not crush. So must you.
4. Pray for Him Without Ceasing #
“Be unceasing and persistent in prayer…”
(1 Thessalonians 5:17, AMP)
Your prayers shape your husband in ways your words cannot. In the Spirit, you become a secret intercessor—lifting him before the Lord, strengthening him unseen.
Pray for:
- His spiritual life.
- His decisions and wisdom.
- His protection from temptation.
- His rest and joy in Christ.
When you pray, you surrender control and trust God to work far beyond what your hands can do.
5. Encourage Him Constantly #
“Therefore encourage and comfort one another and build up one another, just as you are doing.”
(1 Thessalonians 5:11, AMP)
A wife’s words can either tear down or build up (Proverbs 14:1). Every man needs to hear:
- “I believe in you.”
- “God is with you.”
- “You are enough in Christ.”
When your words reflect Christ’s hope and affirmation, you refresh your husband’s soul.
| World’s Words | Kingdom Words |
|---|---|
| “Why can’t you ever…?” | “I see Christ working in you.” |
| “You always fail.” | “God is shaping you. Keep standing.” |
6. Serve Him Joyfully as unto Christ #
“Whatever you do [whatever your task may be], work from the soul [that is, put in your very best effort], as [something done] for the Lord and not for men…”
(Colossians 3:23–24, AMP)
The world says, “Serve only if he deserves.” Christ says, “Serve because I served you.”
“Forgiveness releases not only your husband, but also your own soul into Christ’s freedom.”
Even the smallest acts—meals, help, support—when done joyfully, become heavenly offerings unto God.
You serve your husband not because of him, but because of Christ in you.
7. Forgive Him Freely and Fully #
“Be gentle and forbearing with one another, and, if one has a difference… readily pardoning each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also forgive.”
(Colossians 3:13, AMP)
No husband is perfect. Hurts will come. But forgiveness is freedom—for both your heart and your home.
Forgiveness is not denying pain, but releasing the right to revenge or bitterness—because Christ forgave you.
| Holding Grudges | Forgiving Freely |
|---|---|
| Keeps wounds alive | Heals by grace |
| Builds walls | Restores connection |
| Demands repayment | Releases in mercy |
Conclusion: Christ, the Secret of Selfless Living #
Living selflessly with your husband is not natural. It is Christ in you—His Spirit leading, His life flowing, His cross shaping.
When you live by these principles, your marriage becomes a picture of His kingdom on earth—a witness to His sacrificial love.
“I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me.”
(Galatians 2:20, AMP)
All this is only possible when you are dead to the flesh, Adam, and the world—but alive in Christ, led by the Spirit.
Let Us Pray #
Loving Father,
Thank You for the gift of marriage. Teach us to live selflessly, to love without expecting, to serve with joy, to forgive freely, and to honour Your divine design. Let every wife be formed in the image of Christ, moved not by the flesh but by the Spirit. May each marriage reflect Your covenant love. Build our homes into resting places of Your presence. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
In Christ,
Shaliach.
