Hi Brother Shaliach,
I’ve read Matthew 23:9 and it confuses me. Did Jesus mean we shouldn’t even refer to our own dads as “father”? Or was He talking about something else?
– Arvind R., Mumbai
Answer:
Jesus was not forbidding the use of the word “father” altogether. He was exposing the pride and superiority that crept into religious leadership.
The context of Matthew 23 is vital. Jesus was rebuking the Pharisees who loved lofty titles and spiritual control.
Matthew 23:9 (AMP) — “And do not call anyone [on earth] father [that is, your spiritual guide], for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.”
The Greek word here for “father” is “pater” (πατήρ). It does mean a biological or spiritual male parent, but Jesus was not banning natural family roles. Scripture commands us to “Honour your father and mother” (Exodus 20:12).
Paul uses “father” in a spiritual sense too:
1 Corinthians 4:15 (AMP) — “For even if you were to have ten thousand teachers in Christ, yet you would not have many fathers [who led you to Christ and assumed responsibility for you], for I became your father in Christ Jesus through the good news [of salvation].”
This shows it is not wrong to refer to someone as a spiritual father—if the relationship is rooted in love, humility, and genuine discipleship. Paul didn’t demand titles or submission; he nurtured sons.
The early Church referred to elders and prophets with terms like “father“, but they never used it to dominate or replace God’s role.
2 Kings 6:21 (AMP) — When the king of Israel (Jehoram) saw them, he said to Elisha, “My father, shall I kill them? Shall I kill them?”
Acts 7:2 (AMP) — And Stephen replied, “Brothers and fathers, listen to me! The God of glory appeared to our father Abraham when he was in Mesopotamia, before he lived in Haran…”
Acts 22:1 (AMP) — “Brothers and fathers, listen to the defense which I now offer to you.”
Jesus was warning us not to exalt any man in place of God. He alone is our true “Abba”—a Hebrew term for “Father” that carries intimacy and reverence. Only God is holy, exalted, and worthy of that place.
Matthew 23:8 (AMP) — “But do not be called Rabbi (teacher); for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.”
Jesus was pointing us to a posture of equality under Christ. Even leaders are brothers first. No titles should create a hierarchy in the Body.
We must avoid a culture where spiritual leaders become gatekeepers and mediators, or receive unquestioned authority. That is not the mind of Christ.
I personally have a spiritual father—a mentor who disciples me in the Word and helps me grow in the Lord. But he does not take my tithe, control my life, or use me to build his image. He doesn’t demand uniformity in dress, possessions, or loyalty. That kind of imitation is fleshly, not spiritual.
If someone forces submission, insists on honour, or uses you for gain—that is not true spiritual fathering.
In the Kingdom, the greatest is the servant. True fathers release sons into Christ, not bind them to themselves.
Hope this brings clarity.
In Christ,
Shaliach
apostolicwisdomhouse @ gmail.com
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